Invisible

Invisible

What you doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who’s stealin’ your dreams
Why can’t I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I’m alive

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I’d make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

Saw your face in the crowd
I call out your name
You don’t hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I’d make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

I reach out
But you don’t even see me
Even when I’m scream out
Baby, you don’t hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through…

[Repeat Chorus]

If I was invisible…
If I was invisible…
If I was invisible…
If I was invisible…
If I was invisible…
If I was invisible…

by Clay Aiken

Complicated Simplicity

In life, whether you like it or not trouble comes.

It’s not a world where we live alone with our own thoughts and feelings. Is life easier that way? Maybe.

I am reminded once again that you can try all your might to avoid hurting other people, it was good intention, but the outcome might not be so with others.

Also, remember to love yourself, above everything else. Not in a self absorbing way, but in a simple smile that you can retain all in your heart-one that does not blame or beat oneself up when the world goes wrong. Or when trouble comes knocking on your door. No WHY MEs. 

A person is in a situation because of many factors. In Buddhism it’s call Karma, an act of cause and conditions. What best illustrates this: is to ask yourself look back at your past, your likes and dislikes, your action and your speech and others who are involved in the situation too, and suddenly all will come clear. It’s simple numbers(actions/thoughts/speech), but add in a few formulas(different people) and trying to fit the whole thing into a logical sequence that satisfies the equation(situation at hand), not so easy anymore.

Human love complicating things, I love complicating things. And yet we strive for simplicity, I salivate over simple designs as they are the best solutions in life, not to mention sexy!(think:minimalist or macs!) However, a patch job-with design, your holed shirt or life issues would never ever work. But that’s what we do: cover ups. Easier than solving the root of the problem. but too much patch jobs complicates designs and hides the beauty of simplicity.

“making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.”-Charles Mingus 

The process of getting is in fact, complicated. So in order to simplify, we tend to over-complicate. Doesn’t make much sense to me, but on the way of working this one out.

Lots of love, XXX

Dinny, you know I love you, but I HAVE to do this:

Signing off,

Your loving wife

XXX always!

P/s:I only did it cos ur hot!

Portfolio in the making

To Love

Love        [luhv] Pronunciation Key 

noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

 

–noun

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.	sexual passion or desire.

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

The definition is for by benefit, to see what the word mean from a technical perspective.

But really, who doesn’t know what love is?

Then again, often, we forget to love.

Disclaimer: No, I have not fallen in love,nor had spring got into my head. And NO, I am not being emotional. Nothing. Just another Extra-ordinary day.

Have you eaten?

Have you slept?

Have you worked?

Have you walked to the station?

Have you smiled?

Have you cried?

Have you achieved?

or Have you fall?

whatever the answer is, can I add another question: Did you put love into every moment you so what you did?

If you did not, you simply did not live.

Harsh? But true.

To digress, the origin of the name of this blog came out of love. Metta is a pali word for Loving-Kindness; metamorphosis is an English word that means transformation. I wanted to remind myself that life is a constant change, and that I need to remember to instill metta or love into it.

I wanted to get out of my vicious cycle of hate and pushing things away. I am a born cynic. So don’t be fooled by my love-infused article. I scorn, scoff and grunt when I was told life is wonderful and that you can get what you want. I fell into depression when I got the best breaks of my life. I tortured myself with guilt when my mum gave me permission to AND paid for my trip to Europe. I cried when a person don’t love you like you do. I cried myself to sleep when I think I’m alone with my troubles.

Sounds normal? The diagnosis is that this is the symptoms of love, or rather the lack of it.

Why are you friends with the people you are friends with? Cos they love you. Why do you love going to the movies? Cos you love it. Why do you feel happy this moment and now? Or if you don’t, why? Either you’re loving it, or you’re not. 

It’s the norm for us to love and hate. Pushing the things we dislike away, grasping at what we adore. But hardly do we question the equation of love in it. Love is such a complex thing that we often equate it to relationships, associating it with cloud nines, suffering, pain and lost. But at the same time, it could be oh-so-simple.

A simple gesture of love today, touched my heart. Not earth shattering extravagant gesture, but simply a love given to me from a friend that made me realized that: I don’t love enough.

I don’t love the opportunities I get; I feel guilt.

I don’t love my work; I feel stress.

I forgot to love the people I passed by today; They think I’m cocky.

I lost the love on the people I cared; They think I’m too busy for them.

I forgot to instill a lil’ love to my food; I don’t even remember what they taste like

I don’t love myself; and its hard for others to love me too.

Love conquers all? Corny, but very true. When you really try instilling Metta/Love into your life, every single moment, you’ll realized it’s not an easy thing. It’s a habit to laugh people who do it, but it takes a master to love everybody and everything. It’s not about pretending to love at all. People who inspires, who truly love from within, are only able to do so, because they love themself.

Who doesn’t like to sulk after a bad day? Bitching about that bitch? I’m there. Hate doing that? Run away! 

But depression, loneliness, pain and suffering tracks us down. In those dark corners of your mind, in the silent hours, like it or not, they creep out to say hello or rather haunt you. So let love in, let it grow within, plant the seed. It would be that light you’re looking for at the end of the tunnel.

Even if you feel that you are unloved, love yourself and you will be. Otherwise, who is there left to love you? Love every single moment you have, busy, stressful or simply nothing. And it will guide you, inspire you and live. 

So go ahead and tattoo it!

Open up

Opens a box

by GreenRay

“empty”

Disappointment.

 

From LonelyPierot

 

Opens the door

“No one’s there!”

Feels lonely.

 

Expecting brings nothing.

by solak11

 

Opens the heart

looks up the sky

by foureyes

corner lip cracks a smile 

infinite possibilities ahead

when expectation meets death

 

Opens the page

by ptrink

another (empty space)

laughs

Cos dreams begins today.

 

All images from deviantArt

FLOW+er=LiFE

Photography by Cheng Hiang LEE; Photoshopped by me.

Design Studio

One of the exciting highlights of my semester is doing a design studio with Glenn Murcutt, arguably THE most famous architect in Australia. The course entails a trip up North to Goolawah Reserve, part of a national park. The site is 3km down south from the famous surfing site, Crescent Head Beach.

As a testament to his influence, Murcutt was awarded the Pritzker Prize. In the words of the Pritzker Jury: “In an age obsessed with celebrity, the glitz of our ’starchitects’, backed by large staffs and copious public relations support, dominate the headlines. As a total contrast, [Murcutt] works in a one-person office on the other side of the world … yet has a waiting list of clients, so intent is he to give each project his personal best. He is an innovative architectural technician who is capable of turning his sensitivity to the environment and to locality into forthright, totally honest, non-showy works of art.”

Pritzker Prize is like an architecture nobel prize if I’m to describe it. Murcutt is the only Australian architect to have ever won it. But he is also awfully down-to-earth and genuine compared to the stereotypical snobbish architects in the industry.

We’re designing a research lab on swamp. We went on a 3 day camp for a site visit, it was tiring but a great chance to bond with my course mates. Another first this sem, is that I actually get to know them better. I realized that no one ever puts a barrier between you and another person, only yourself. As a friend said, I always looked like an ice queen and so others are afraid to approach. While I on the other hand, thought they never ever want to make friend with someone like me. 

 

 

Sun rise

Me & Lionel

From left clockwise: Lionel, Mauricio, Justin & me

Shadows of sun rise

Arty shot of Lionel

Sun set

Beach

Swamp

From left:Nelly,Stephanie, Lili, Wendy, Michael, Justin & Sam

Reflections

Murcutt teaching

From Left:Stephanie, Vivien, me, Lili, Nelly(Indon) & Ann(Denmark)

Working on site

Casino by night

There is so much good memories to it. Working in the swamp by day; poker by night. Some of the highlights was watching the Olympics with a whole crowd and waking up early to watch sunrise with 3 boys. It was fun, exciting and inspirational. 

I’m more than half-way through the course, so the initial inspiring excitement has given way to a whole lot of stress and tears. Learning from the best comes at high price, believe me. Having the best tutors, long studio ours (read:8 hours), and yet I am afraid, a lot of fear between me and my work. High expectation which I feel suffocated by. From who? Myself, and I know that. Complicated is not easy, but its easy complicating things. Learning to let go and simplifying things, and yet retaining that singular concept consistently and masterfully is something I have yet able to comprehend and perform.

Big Spender

That refers to me, thy, mua.

I have quite a bit of indulgence this semester, though if I may call them investments.

I enjoy every bit of it, and here, I very much like to make an Oscar speech of thanking my mum for her generosity. She came down about 2 months ago and in my opinion, have been an awful daughter. There was much struggle for me as much it is for her to reconcile my life here with hers. 

After spending almost 3 years in Sydney without my parents, having one around during semester was never my idea of fun. So when everyone went gushing, “Oh my, That is SO NICE!.” and before you go ” You unfilial bitch.” I must say both comments apply. 

It was great having my mum around and finally having a glimpse of my REAL life, though I have to clarify it’s her 5th time here-essentially for work and a few days extra for me. But as a parent, it’s never great waking up at 3am to find your daughter still in Uni, nor is it comforting to know that she wakes up before you do (note: mum’s an early riser) and sleeps way after you’ve started snoring. 

Not in any way do I lie to my mum about my life either. Though I must say, there is always a tad more complaining, whining and dramas on my part. But for her to see what I do, how I live is really, sad for me. I tried my best to cover up, I threw tantrums to hide real feelings, act tough so she stops worrying but at the end of the day-I know she knows me best. She always wants the best for me, I know, and I wished she would have a better time here.

What did I learn? Seriously, just let it be. If I didn’t try to fight away those emotions and pretending so hard that I have time to spend with her plus those unnecessary worrying, I could have better enjoyed however little moments there were. To side track, I also learned to navigate through Sydney City in car, terrifyingly bold experience, I must say. In short, Mummy I love you. I’m sorry for being such a bitch and I miss you. I miss you fussing over me, I miss you nagging and thank you for letting me go and learning that my freedom comes with responsibilities.

I came to realized as I grow older, that our parents age too. Sounds like a bimbotic statement, but how many of us really feel like our parents may just die any bloody day? Well, they would. On this note, I pray that Lionel, your Dad will get well, enjoy every single moment with him and don’t look back.

From top left: Jo, me, Vivien and Lionel on his birthday

Friends of the same age or slightly older, have lost their parents just this year, shows that nothing stand against time. Old age and sickness just happens. Life is indeed impermanent. When that happens, what you wished for was to have spent better time with them, even when you are physically away from one another. I count my blessing stars, for those who have theirs alive, and that mine is healthy and leading a life of their own. Blood does run thicker than water.

Enough sentimentality, otherwise it might seem my emotions are spent instead of money.

My newly arrived table (only this morning!) after loads of hiccups, iPhone, 22-inch monitor screen, my-oh-so-sexy MacBookpro, the latter from my mum. XD

Yes, I am a new mac convert. What’s up with this new addiction? Design and apple= marriage made in heaven. I’m not going to provide a review on any of it, but i’ll say the table is solid as a rock and my Mac serves me perfectly well. Thanks to friends helping me set up and providing me with program installations while I flapped around aimlessly with a new OS.

They are so pretty, they deserve some cam-whoring.

My old phone contract expired almost the same time this baby came out. I was lucky to only have to wait 4 hours in line (when I just happen to hop into the shop) on the 3rd day of its release, no camping out the day before for me.

I’m a visual person. I like seeing aesthetically pleasing items with minimalist design and beautiful+intelligent interfaces. So they work well for me. But I must say I am not using them to the full potential, just jumping on the apple craze bandwagon? Not without assessment and my rusty-judgement.

Now that I have everything I need, seems like time, I start focusing on my studies. I’m dreading it. I have inspiring courses but I feel like I am going downhill cos of my inability to simplify and clear shit outta the way. Literally and metaphorically.

MIA

MIA=missing n action

Something I’ve been practicing diligently, if I would shamefully proclaim. Why? Cos I happen to both be lazy and busy, if those two ever happen to coexist, it’ll be with me. To better illustrate this, I will confess that I only check out facebook once in 2 weeks. Yes, I don’t have a social life and No, I am not suffering from depression. So bugger off now.

Thus, in an attempt to revive the blog and my life, I will blog again in an upside down manner, from most recent to future. Which brings me to this:

Distortion of scale:Valley or puddles of water?

Image taken at Maroubra, with Cheng Hiang’s super-uber cool macro lense.

And, no, I will not get one cos I’m too poor and too lazy to carry it around.

Which brings me to say that, I have not been taking photos myself, the baby(my trusty Canon D500) is old and dusty. I’m poor cos I’m a student and I currently using my very expensive recent purchase as large as my bed. Does this mean I have to take another photo to illustrate this?

Oh well, I’ll divert it to pretty images taken off the coastal walk along Maroubra Beach and half-way attempt to Magic Point:

Sun rise; Image courtesy of Cheng Hiang Lim

The Girls; Image courtesy of Cheng Hiang Lim

The Colours of Spring; Image courtesy of Cheng Hiang Lim

The group radiating at sun rise, From left: Mandy, Khai Yi, Me, Lucky, Vickey, Ian, Mei Ling & Serene

Vickey & Me; Image courtesy of Cheng Hiang Lim

Faking the moves-I insist that I was forced to do this!;Image courtesy of Cheng Hiang Lim

“I beg you please, let me move in with you!”

“Yea..whatever..”

And that was how it happened, in a short version of my story. Voila! May I introdue to you my new housemate-Khai Yi:

One Happy Family, oh wait, where’s Rosie?

Images courtesy of Cheng Hiang Lim

P/S:It’s amazingly fast to upload photos and actually update my blog now! I love my new.. oh wait, that deserves another post eh?