Big Spender
That refers to me, thy, mua.
I have quite a bit of indulgence this semester, though if I may call them investments.
I enjoy every bit of it, and here, I very much like to make an Oscar speech of thanking my mum for her generosity. She came down about 2 months ago and in my opinion, have been an awful daughter. There was much struggle for me as much it is for her to reconcile my life here with hers.
After spending almost 3 years in Sydney without my parents, having one around during semester was never my idea of fun. So when everyone went gushing, “Oh my, That is SO NICE!.” and before you go ” You unfilial bitch.” I must say both comments apply.
It was great having my mum around and finally having a glimpse of my REAL life, though I have to clarify it’s her 5th time here-essentially for work and a few days extra for me. But as a parent, it’s never great waking up at 3am to find your daughter still in Uni, nor is it comforting to know that she wakes up before you do (note: mum’s an early riser) and sleeps way after you’ve started snoring.
Not in any way do I lie to my mum about my life either. Though I must say, there is always a tad more complaining, whining and dramas on my part. But for her to see what I do, how I live is really, sad for me. I tried my best to cover up, I threw tantrums to hide real feelings, act tough so she stops worrying but at the end of the day-I know she knows me best. She always wants the best for me, I know, and I wished she would have a better time here.
What did I learn? Seriously, just let it be. If I didn’t try to fight away those emotions and pretending so hard that I have time to spend with her plus those unnecessary worrying, I could have better enjoyed however little moments there were. To side track, I also learned to navigate through Sydney City in car, terrifyingly bold experience, I must say. In short, Mummy I love you. I’m sorry for being such a bitch and I miss you. I miss you fussing over me, I miss you nagging and thank you for letting me go and learning that my freedom comes with responsibilities.
I came to realized as I grow older, that our parents age too. Sounds like a bimbotic statement, but how many of us really feel like our parents may just die any bloody day? Well, they would. On this note, I pray that Lionel, your Dad will get well, enjoy every single moment with him and don’t look back.
From top left: Jo, me, Vivien and Lionel on his birthday
Friends of the same age or slightly older, have lost their parents just this year, shows that nothing stand against time. Old age and sickness just happens. Life is indeed impermanent. When that happens, what you wished for was to have spent better time with them, even when you are physically away from one another. I count my blessing stars, for those who have theirs alive, and that mine is healthy and leading a life of their own. Blood does run thicker than water.
Enough sentimentality, otherwise it might seem my emotions are spent instead of money.
