Burned out

I’m burning out, and this blog is turning into ashes soon, despite the fact that it never even ‘caught on fire’ in the first place.

I’m burned out from 3 years of late nightS.

I’m  burned out cos’ I no longer have the stamina.

I’m burned out, as the body is giving way.

Worst ever, I’m burned out cos’ it feels as though I’m losing myself.

Narrative of a shitty weekend begins with lots of submission, what’s so suprising, you say?

The mind is challenged in many ways when the body feels broken, the environment seems less optismistic and you don’t even have time look back and reflect.

From this…

I’m practising what I call “Touch n’ Go”, I attempt to do most things, but end up touching the surfaces and then i gotta run–once again all for the sake of my marriage to architecture. I sometimes wonder where i ever mustered all the strength, time and energy just going along with it. I know it’s only part of life, I know I don’t own it, even the word passion doesn’t exactly justify anything when your whole body just aches from a whole weekend long of sleep deprivation. And the fact that there is a whole long road more to go.

To this, after 10 hours straight on in the labs without budging. 3D max 2008 with Vray render. But I have the most awesome housemates who fed me when i was going to swallow the mouse from hunger.

I’ve ask myself again, again and ever again 3rd year in a row: Is it worth it? Probably not, but being involve in such a objectively subjective artistic field lends itself to be defined by anyone. Crap could just turn out to be a high distinction work and good work could just be boring. At the same time, there is a whole new language to refine; concepts to be thought through; functionality to be rationalised; flexibility to be bend and considered. In other words, solving ‘life’ problems.

A computer crash, whole shit-loads of dramas, buckets of tears and an extra no-sleep day later: A similar but fuzzy image produced.

I loved the quote: Whatever is finished, is done. by one of my favorite monks. But with things being finish, it’s largely my call. And in design, finish is when submission is the very next minute. Criticisms are harsh, but the harshest of them all would always be ourself.  I love what I do; and I truly believe in spaces coming alive and art and architecture to help resolve many problems in life. But as with everything, the cake doesn’t come with a sweet icing.

End results: One painful weekend with the Greatest lesson of all: NEVER save on Uni computer desktop. When the PC crashes, so does your heart. (Just for my own record: 5am Labs with 4G Ram PC + me occupying 4 coms for 1-3hours rendering per image. Classic.  A new personal record which i reckon will be beaten for the next assignment.

And that’s the story of “A corner to love”.

It is also true that in worst situations, it’ll squeeze out the essence. What doesn’t break me, makes me stronger. So thank you for all of life’s bitchiness.



4 Responses to “Burned out”

  1. From engineering point of view (and my personal impression actually), your designs are simply AMAZING!!!!!
    It is all simply cool, eyes widening @.@

    Honestly this kind of 3D attracts my attention all the time.. Want to learn it but seems a bit hesitating -.-

    Well, all the best Ying..
    Good luck..

  2. This compliment probably doesn’t mean anything to u, but i really do like it!:)
    show me how u do it one day kay?one fine day..
    before then, keep the fire in u burning, don’t let it burn u out!

  3. Love it so much!! Girl, u are reali amazing..
    I cant believe how archi students actually study.. soon i have hav the chance to experiene myself.. haha.. coz my sis wil b entering into this beauty but struggling world.. jia you~

  4. Render out real nice

    Free 3d models


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